Nobody Gets Out Of Catering Alive…

Nobody Gets  width=Out Of Catering Alive…
By Joe Montaperto
ISBN: 978-1096458685 (pb)
ISBN: 978-0463683507 (ebook)
Pages: 217
Genre: Memoir

A short time ago, Joe Montaperto was living the life. Enjoying the spotlight of the New York City comedy circuit. Performing with the likes of Jon Stewart and John Leguizamo. He was going to be a star. No doubt. Now, he sits in his old bedroom at his parent’s house in New Jersey having a rather one-sided conversation with his mysteriously ever present Napoleon statue at three o’clock in the morning. It is 1990, he’s just 30 years old, and he is rapidly losing his precious curly hair. And he’s afraid of napkins. The only time he laughs is watching old TV reruns of “Lost In Space”.

Disillusioned with his NYC stand-up comedy career, Joe makes a concerted attempt to reconcile madness with a intensive journey through spiritual teachings, social activism, and various dysfunctional relationships, only to discover, to his horror, that he can’t escape the catering industry.

 width=About the Author:
Joe Montaperto was born in Brooklyn, NY and is now a Jersey City resident. He is also the author of two other books, The Edge of Whiteness and Lovely Chaos, the first two works in his memoir trilogy. He also still does work in catering and in his free time often dresses as a camel to educate and frighten children in Hoboken, NJ.

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Nobody Gets Out of Catering Alive is a humorous memoir written by Joe Montaperto. Joe always knew he had the gift to be a top comic but what happened? The other comics he had started out with were now-famous names — and him? He was thirty years old, living in his parents’ house in Roselle, New Jersey, and ruefully watching as each pass through his once glorious curls left him more convinced than ever that he was indeed losing his hair. The highlights of his life now consisted of watching old movies and reruns of Lost in Space. What indeed had happened? His parents weren’t taking his decision to return to the nest lying down. They demanded that he get a job. It didn’t really matter that the cost of commuting and hours spent getting to his catering jobs barely made those jobs worthwhile. But as his thirties rushed along together, and he found himself facing the dreaded fortieth decade, his dreams were still unachieved. No college, no training, what could he do? He knew that he had the stuff to be just as big a comedic success as those others he had started out with. He just needed to get writing and develop his routines.

Joe Montaperto’s memoir, Nobody Gets Out of Catering Alive, is a well-written and entertaining look at the trials and tribulations of those stand-up hopefuls, the ones who were warned not to give up their day jobs. I especially enjoyed those looks at his early thirties. The catering scenes are packed with humor and ample loads of self-deprecation. The only issue I had with this book was that the author’s comedic material frequently appears without warning, leaving me a bit confused as to how we went from Joe’s memoirs to something completely different. They are all marvelous creations, but a more rigorous tie-in to the memoir would have made me feel less at a loss sometimes. Nobody Gets Out of Catering Alive is recommended.

— Jack Magnus, Readers’ Favorite

“Joe’s a comedian, but my gosh does he write with style! This book follows catering (did the title give it away?) yet is super raunchy and hilarious. All of Joe’s books always knock my socks off, but this one was a real treat! If you’re looking for a memoir full of hilarity, insanity and realism, this book should be perched up on your shelf.
Comedy at it’s finest.

— 2019 Best Books – Briars Reviews

“At the end of Patti Smith’s deeply moving, award winning biography Just Kids, the creative genius Robert Mapplethorpe, dying of AIDS in a hospital bed, looks up to his longtime soul mate and asks, “Patti, did art get us?” fade to black as a hooded diaphanous smoky black wraith sweeps the streets of Jersey City, ducking in and out of taverns searching for the soul it most wants to capture. It stops suddenly, hovering menacingly, as Joe Montaperto, laughing while nursing a beer at a local watering hole, turns with sudden seriousness and faces his familiar attacker.

No One Gets Out of Catering Alive is the third in a trilogy of Joe’s life adventures fighting off the dark forces that have tried unsuccessfully to take the shapeshifter down, for Joe is the embodiment of Art itself, so enter his world of words at your own risk, for they will change you. Some may not make it out, seduced by his myriad personalities, whether New Mexican desert star cheating death by spending the night in a freezing river only to find the next morning the wraith has taken the life of someone else in the same vicinity, or the reader may be seduced by one of Joe’s one man show characters, such as the lonely transvestite with the heart of gold her married boyfriend Popi has no time for. As for the encounter with the wraith my money is on Joe’s sunny spirit dissipating the wraith like burning off fog.

The most affected of his readers may find themselves feeling like Barbara Stanwyck in glittery red sequin dress as she lifts her lifetime achievement Oscar and dedicates it to her late co-star William Holden from the film Golden Boy, calling Bill by by that same title name, for Joe if anything is surely deserving of a similar statuette. One can muse over the contributions of Gotham’s great writers, the Beat poets and literary giants whose statues line Central Park’s leafy promenades and hardscrabble dangerous streets, but no one brings alive those streets like Joe, for like Orpheus, as the poet Rilke wrote, “he is a herald who is with us always, holding far into the doors of the dead a bowl of ripe fruit worthy of praise.”

So do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of No One Gets Out of Catering Alive, and Joe’s other two books as well, The Edge of Whiteness, and Lovely Chaos, and take a bite out of the words of a wise sage, and bite hard, for in Joe’s mind one can get very close to immortality.

— John Suave, Writer

“A tour bus ride through a carnival zone with a Zen Rinpoche at the wheel. Each lane of American culture – whether hyped-up or decrepit – is pointed out here with fondness and hilarity. This book is a Cracker Jack box of observations, with nuggets of chewy insight. It careens around corners and crashes into the past. Get on and be prepared to be pinned to your seat.

— Rob McCaskill, Acting Teacher/Writer

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